Paean for Gertrude

Gertrude was my therapist (as in my "shrink") up from about 2 years ago (give or take) up until she had a stroke, about 6 months ago (give or take). She said her stroke was relatively mild and she suffered no permanent damage beyond a weakened overall endurance, a general fatigue, etc. I did speak with her a few times after her stroke but eventually I stopped calling her because I felt my calls put as much pressure on her to recover and regain sessions with me as it did to actually express my concern and/or good wishes.

Regardless of the opinions of those who know me well, I don't think of myself as someone who needs therapy. Some people live for it, are addicted to it. Some to the extent that they even believe that ALL people should be in therapy, all the time. (I might feel that way about massages. Not psychological therapy, however.) Be this as it may, about 2 years ago conditions in my life were such that it seemed the right time to seek some councel, some support, some help. I was referred to a sliding-scale clinic and, just by chance, was assigned Gertrude. A funny name I thought. Gertrude. The name of one of my grandmothers, in fact. (Gietel, as she was actually called. The yiddishization of Gertrude I always assumed.) Would my shrink be a bitter, overbearing, kvetchy bubby too?

Not at all. To my surprise and mild amusement, Gertrude turned out to be a short Japanese woman. I am not sure how old she was but certainly older than me by a good bit. Frankly, my first impression was that this woman probably did not have whatever it might take to understand me, my situation, my problems, etc. (And at some point I shared with her these impressions.) But, thankfully, I was mistaken.

In short, when I started to see Gertrude I had certain goals, however vague. Whatever they were, more generally, I just needed to get my shit together, needed to feel hopeful, on track, with a sense that I was moving forward, not backwards. Inasmuch as the goals were concrete they were to get my dissertation done, get my doctorate over with, improve my work situation, improve my social and dating life, but moreover, just get a sense of inner peace. I also talked about wanting to indulge in travel and adventure, like I had done so often more than a decade ago. Specifically, Buenos Aires popped up more and more on my radar and I often discussed this with her.

Perhaps on a different blog I could discuss more thoroughly my sessions with Gertrude. Her mixture of more-or-less traditional psychology with a pinch of Buddhism mixed in. I would discuss my greatly increased ability to accept things as they are, matched by my failure to create problems in my mind before there was a reason or need to do so. And how, armed with these aspects of a new perspective, things progressed, from one positive step to another (not without missteps and regressions, of course; I am, after all, only human) until, here and now I sit, happily, in Buenos Aires.

Gertrude, I think of you often, and have done so during my time with you as well as since your stroke. Many of my friends know you as something of a guiding light for me (however silly that might sound both to her and to me). I hope that you are well and that, at some point in time, we can chat again about life, Buenos Aires, John Cage, and all that good stuff.